When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
