i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
