We won't sleep together?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
