Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
