i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize