I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize