I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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