____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
only if we run a train.
done.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
