we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
