I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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