Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
