You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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