I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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