how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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