it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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