yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
