Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
