i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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