Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
