My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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