i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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