I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
