I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
