Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
