You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
