It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
