the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
