there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
