i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
