Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
