So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
