it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
