hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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