If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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