Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
