New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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