My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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