smell my finger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
