R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
