I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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