i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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