my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
