I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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