I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize