just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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