This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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