My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
