there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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