Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
