She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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