Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
