I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
