I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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