Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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