I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
