I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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