plz talk dirty to me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize