dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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