Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
