Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
