oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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