she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
