a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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