So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
