i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize