I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
