google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
