People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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