i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
