All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
