lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
