Screwed.edu
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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