I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
