I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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