I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
