I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
