I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
