I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
