summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
